now i know why i became what i already was.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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