And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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