am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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