I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
