you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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