They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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