i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
