In the future we'll all be gay
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
