you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do vagina's smell?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
