I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just pynch a tree in the face
I can text with my tongue
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
