Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
