Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
