Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize