Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize