if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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