She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
