Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
