Your mouth is God's brothel.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
