Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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