Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
