Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
