I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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