i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
