shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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