if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
