True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You are the jesus of drinking
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
