I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
