If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize