I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
