omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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