you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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