he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
