Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
