we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the day after is always just damage control
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
