For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
