I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
