that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
