I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
