Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
