I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize