Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
