ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
