The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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