Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
