Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize