just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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