On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
