Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
