Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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