I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
