College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
