k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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