The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize