its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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