There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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