Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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