He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
