I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
