there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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