How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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