i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
