I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
