that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
