My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
