Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
