I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
