i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My bed smells like the plague
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
