Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
