There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
