yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
