I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
