so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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