remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
