I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
