You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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