I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
