would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
