Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
