Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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