i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
