By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I will be naked everywhere
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
