drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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